Happy Town...why is this happening to you?

Alright...here's the deal, it seems the brain trusts from down south plan to eliminate another intelligent, well written television show before it even has the chance to gain momentum. The most common complaint about the show..."it's too confusing"..."it's too hard to follow"...etc.

Lets start with the obvious...it has only been 3 episodes...3 episodes and you are already lost, how the hell do you make it to the washroom, or even to your jobs, besides, did you expect that the writers were going to give you everything in one shot? These are the same viewers that have watched 5 and half seasons of LOST without a complaint, and I know that that show has been purposely confusing...but there seems to have been no issues with that show (unless you review the comments about the latest episode).

OK...so if it isn't the content is it the style...maybe the quality of the show?

If we are using LOST as the comparison...they are both ABC shows. Quality can't be that far off, can it?

So here is the big question...is the only reason Happy Town is having these issues because of the timing of its release. I mean in the midst of LOST fever can any show that has an undertone of mystery and intrigue survive? When the shiny big budget eye candy fest that is LOST is sluggishly coming to an anti-climactic conclusion can the other show that share a degree of commonality withstand the backlash that has seemingly struck the comparable shows that share this genre?

Here's my theory...NO. I mean...it is possible, but the biggest issue is the audience, and far too often the audience that determines the life span of a show happens to be short sighted...lacking in creativity, and in need of instant gratification. For shows like Happy Town, Flash Forward, Journey Man, Jericho, and the like to continue to breathe they need to beat out the action shows, that have very little substance, and a TON of eye candy, which, as we have seen in film, as well as in most popular arts is extremely difficult. Adding insult to injury is the most popular and arguably the most confusing modern television show of modern history is slowly turning into the biggest let down in TV history.

Here's what need to be done...we all need to look past the knee jerk reaction to the lame series close to LOST, and fall into the new environment that is being offered by this fresh and exciting offering that is Happy Town. We need to give it the opportunity to fail...not because we are ticked that 5 seasons have culminated in a douche fest...but because it is, or it isn't a good show.

Here is my challenge to you all...keep Happy Town around...if for no other reason but to allow it the chance that you all gave to fizzle fests such as 24 (which should have only been 48), Prison Break (which should have only broke out once), and just for shits and giggles, all of those bad versions of St. Elsewhere (Chi Town Hope, ER (post Clooney), Grey's Waste of Time, etc.).

Listen people...wake up and smell the story lines...if we continue to give up on quality shows, then we will be left with garbage lacking in substance.

Remember...what we consume determines what we are fed...stop eating shit!

http://tvseriesfinale.com/tv-show/happy-town-petition/

REVIEW of The Boon Dock Saints II: All Saints Day

It is a rare moment when sequels meet the mark. This one does. I wanted the original movie...with a new spin...couple of new characters, and an over abundance of death and killing. 

Guns with cool silencers 

• Drunk Irish Dudes 
• Billy Connolly
• more guns 

= A FUCK FEST OF AMAZING. 

This is a dirty blood bath of fun...the creators of this franchise have tapped the right vein, and we all love that shit. Nice ties to the first film...great ass kickin’ scenes...and that slow motion, jagged kill sequencing really put the cherry on top. I love idiot bad guys being dismantled by drunk Irish religious vigilantes...sue me! 

Performances...what do you want...its the Boondock Saints, not the boys of Saint Vincent's. They picked up where they left off. My only issue was with Sean Patrick Flanery’s face...what the fuck is wrong with you. I mean, I have seen burger before...Mickey Rourke looks like darkman mid transition...and Ray Liotta looks like he and Seal have been face fucking and he caught something...Sean...you need to kick the crap out of your plastic surgeon for playing drunk doctor on your head.

I really think that is all I got for you...I mean who wants to find fault when fun is the end result...not this guy!

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day...great for those who like people gettin’ shot and shit...bad for assholes who are too good for killin’”.

...oh and if there is no third part to this franchise...I take it all back...this movie is shit...I hate everyone. 

REVIEW of Precious

Alright. Let me start by saying that there is no doubt in my mind that this is one of the most powerful, poignant, important films of our time. It points to the truth of the “new” human condition, the monstrous nature of humanity, when humanity is dehumanized to such an extent that it views itself of worthy of pain.

I know, deep stuff...but frankly, if you watch this film, and you don’t start looking...not only inside, but around you, and ask yourself, “why”, then you have not experienced pain. 

I found that this film made me look inward, and provided me with a full range of emotions that I wanted to experience when I chose to watch this movie.

Ok...all that good shit aside, lets talk movie. 

As a movie goes, it was telegraphed. From the opening sequence, to the anticlimactic “american history X” non-hollywood ending. You watch as this, lovable, and obviously pained woman navigates this extremely hostile environment. For a really good amount of this film, I felt like I was watching a solder tip toe through a live mine field...and that is what i am suppose to feel. The non stop beating that we watch this poor girl endure becomes almost too much, and the under dog complex almost over takes the power of the story. I found I wanted a bubble gum moment, to cut through the agony. 

Understand this; I am not a fan of manufactured, Hollywood, foil wrapped, moments. I like gritty, raw, piss and vinegar film moments...the curbing scene in American History X...the horrific rape sequence in the remake of “the last house on the left”...even the mind fucking father son scene in “Happiness”....I jerk off instead...ewwwwwwww c-r-e-e-p-y. This movie has this effect in spades...but, and excuse my french...it was a bit too much. All the circumstances that are created in this film lead to this girl living an absolute shit life...give’er a break...not just a mutually sympathetic rag tag class room of “hookers with hearts of gold”. Or the social worker who cares too much, or the teacher, that sees all the potential, and magically is independently wealthy, open minded, and has an over abundance of time...in order to focus on the “less fortunate inner city youths”. This is the problem with Precious as a film...it is a pain fest.

The reason for this film...PERFORMANCES! Fuck the story...the acting was mind blowing. Let me move past the lead, and focus on the support. Mo’Nique...I never thought I could hate a character as much as I hated Nurse Ratched (One flew over the cuckoos nest), but I hadn’t met Mary Jones. She was vicious, and destructive. Evil and monstrous. There is nothing that you can say that would ever over take the horrific nature of this character. A testament to a truly gifted performance...and frankly...if Robin Williams wins for Good Will Hunting...the fuck’em...Mo’Nique wins for Precious.

And too Gabourey Sibide...fucking eh right. There is nothing to say...this was a part that was clearly written for this girl. She is Claireece Precious Jones...and if i had read the book (which...after watching this film...I will) I think that this would be the girl I saw. Everything this girl did in this film was magic. 

In closing...see it for the performances...but get your pain helmet on, cause your brain is going to hurt...and if it doesn’t...you are a fucking robot...sick and twisted robot...go home Nicohol Kidman.

Precious...great for humans...bad for robots and Nicohol Kidman.

Reviewing the Reviewers

Ok, here’s the story...I was approached by a friend to start writing movie reviews. In the typical sarcastic tone, that I tend to sport on a regular, “What do I know from movie reviews?” 

“What is there to fucking know...watch the movie...write a review...press send...DONE!” this is the sage advice that I am given, so I make the sound choice to do some research.

I’ve never been one to care what another person thinks about anything, let alone some ass who gets paid to watch movies, but, I need some context. So I jump in feet first...movie review blogs, newspaper reviews, shit, I even started to catch those goofy 5 minute “flicks on the fly” type local news pieces, you know the ones, the filler pieces between the 8th weather update, and the ass interviewing Pearl, cause she is tired of the construction on Main Street keeping her up at night.

They all fall into 3 styles of approach.

1. The Film Critic. This is the asshole who took a film course, read a ton of books about “the method”, and “Film Noir”, and fancies himself a film expert (tell me something, how can you be an expert of film. Do you have more trivial board game knowledge then anyone else...then and only then can you say “I am a film expert”). This guy write using twenty dollar words to describe idiotic “blockbuster films”, and has a field day with slow moving pretentious films, cause they all employ such “vision”, and “grit”. Gritty vision= Shitty Picture.
2. The Everyman. This is the dude who figures, he watches enough movies, that his opinion counts. The main problem with this goofus, is that he usually beats the shit out of the films that fall outside of his chosen genre of expertise. These action hungry tards tend to discuss the “thrill ride”, or the fucking “tour de force” that the viewer is about to engage in...all in all it adds up to...nerds loving special effects...or virgins loving twilight.
3. The Asshole. Ya well, this is the guy who finds fault in every film ever made. Every director is a hack. Every star, overpriced. The asshole is usually right, but the issue is, there are a lot of shitty movies that we all love, mostly due to the fact that they are the “right type of shitty”. I love being critical of others (case and point, this article), but there has to be a point where we all admit that, while, yes it sucked...I liked it’s technique, and it got me off. There are bad blow jobs, but those are the one’s we don’t talk about.

Now, while I can appreciate that styles are styles, I have a problem with all film critics, no matter which category they fall under. Each and every review I have read has one fatal flaw...each reviewer seems to think that it is a good idea to provide a synopsis of the film before an opinion is rendered.

Why?

It is my understanding that the reason one reads a movie review is to ascertain whether the movie is worth watching, or more to the point, is the movie worth paying to see. I don’t read a review to read the plot of the movie. So why the fuck do the reviewers of the world figure it is a good idea to explain every little bit and piece of the fucking movie...are you all telling the world that you are incapable of critiquing a film, without running through the majority of the plot?

Here’s an Idea...

Take some fucking notes...highlight the shit you thought was good...tell us what was shit, then...BADA BING...make a fucking recommendation! 

That is all that is required of you...be pompous, tell us about the “mason scene”, and the “Wells-ion approach to camera movement”...tickle my nuts with pretentious pros that would make a turtle neck wearing professor cream his fucking jeans...but do it without giving away the whole fucking movie...its bad enough that the trailers and previews, and gossip sites tell the entire planet everything you every wanted to know about a film, before it is even completed, now we have to deal with moron reviews telling us the story before we see it.

Do your job...review the film...and then shut the fuck up!

Welcome

I figured I should throw down a greeting of some sort...just to grease the wheel a bit.

Welcome to Periodic Orbits...RANTS, RAVES, REVIEWS and GENERAL SCREAMS at all that we...yes we, I figured you all into this equation...that we need to punch in the face...or hug it out with...or just need to get off our chests.

So here is the deal...I'm going to piss in your eye and you are all going to piss right back.

You don't like what I say...TELL ME!

You have a difference of opinion...YELL IT OUT!

or...

If you just need to feel that it is time to kick and scream for a bit...GIVE'ER!

I am The Commission...and I am here to kick you in the mental happy sacks...so strap on your helmet and get ready to have your skull pumped...ya...I did!